tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24468572.post114666341139459108..comments2023-06-08T07:58:17.128-05:00Comments on Nate Nate Roller Skate: How are you doing.....Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07471420264228948843noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24468572.post-1147536481383655722006-05-13T11:08:00.000-05:002006-05-13T11:08:00.000-05:00I felt so much like this at your stage in the proc...I felt so much like this at your stage in the process. You're not crazy and you're not going crazy. Trust me.<BR/><BR/> I think the thing is, you're totally numb for a long time (even though you may not realize it) and when that protective coating starts to wear off you start wondering how on earth you've been surviving - and how you can continue to survive. Your brain starts to let the reality <I>really</I>seep in and it's a terrifying one.<BR/><BR/>You're a new person now, and it takes a long time to get used to that person - who she is, how she reacts to things, what she can and can't handle on any given day. Give her time. You'll find out who she is and become comfortable in your own skin again. I promise.<BR/><BR/>I firmly believe it takes a lifetime of work to cope with the loss of a child, and those moments of "crazy" are part and parcel of the process.<BR/><BR/>Trust me, you're normal. And you're doing just fine.<BR/><BR/>((((((((HUGS))))))))msfitzitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17174138130763427353noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24468572.post-1146763699322821572006-05-04T12:28:00.000-05:002006-05-04T12:28:00.000-05:00I agree with what everyone else said. It sounds t...I agree with what everyone else said. It sounds to me like you are doing, yes 'fine', for a grieving mom. I do think also that there is the edge of sanity and that we occasionally feel that edge in our grief. It is a very scary thing to feel. <BR/><BR/>It is okay to be numb, it is okay to cry, it is okay not to cry. What works for you, is what is okay. You do what you need to, to get you through the day. And slowly your life will find a balance again, but it is very hard and it takes time. Thinking of you.... <BR/><BR/><BR/>Sarah -- heh, someone said something like that to me a WEEK after Nicolas died. (It was in french, but that was the gist of it -- 'only OK?'). I looked at her like she was a crazy fuck, which apparently she was. She knew all about him, too, she had no excuse.katehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16536809590856333391noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24468572.post-1146747239683452132006-05-04T07:53:00.000-05:002006-05-04T07:53:00.000-05:00I typically say "ok" to the how are you question. ...I typically say "ok" to the how are you question. I think i say it with a leading intonation so that I'm almost begging for people to really ask how i'm doing, but they don't. <BR/><BR/>I once had someone say "Only OK?". It made me want to scream. Ok wasn't good enough.<BR/><BR/>I still often feel like I'm going through the motion. I think that as time goes on your brain will process things in a way that is best for you. <BR/><BR/>hugsSWHhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06571144622886527378noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24468572.post-1146683015807314402006-05-03T14:03:00.000-05:002006-05-03T14:03:00.000-05:00I didn't work for 3 months after our son was born,...I didn't work for 3 months after our son was born, so I didn't really have a routine. No routine was freeing - it allowed me to grieve all day long if I needed to. Getting back to the routine of work was hard, and I am still not settled in, but routine is helpful to structure your time. Sometimes the lack of structure can exacerbate the depression. So lean on routine if that is what is getting you by.<BR/><BR/>I do appreciate the disinterest in life and the uselessness of it all, especially the mundane in our routines. It does get a little less weighty.<BR/><BR/>Regarding "how are you doing?" my answer for the last year has been "I am doing okay". Maybe not the best grammar, but then I wasn't claiming to be better than I was and it was also all that most people wanted to hear. It worked for me.<BR/><BR/>And, I hate to say it, but I think we all do lose our minds. And I don't think we ever find the old one that we lost, and when the new one is installed it is like having slightly the wrong version of Windows. You don't remember simple thing, you do remember heavy things, you process through the eyes of loss. Maybe 20 years will give us more balance. Maybe not.delphihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07529670960180261467noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24468572.post-1146665076139446282006-05-03T09:04:00.000-05:002006-05-03T09:04:00.000-05:00Your grief is so raw right now...you will feel "be...Your grief is so raw right now...you will feel "better" in time...I promise.<BR/><BR/>Have you read Joan Didion's <I>The Year of Magical Thinking</I>? She describes so well the same realization...he is NOT coming home...I'm acting crazy. <BR/><BR/>Just know that you're not alone. And if autopilot works right now, then go on autopilot. Take some time to mourn and heal a little bit before you expect so much from yourself.<BR/><BR/>{{{hugs}}}Catherinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01160908955133304449noreply@blogger.com