Tomorrow is the big day -- we're closing on the new house. Packing up and leaving this place, where Nate was conceived, has been more of an emotional roller coaster for me than I thought. Most of my time living here was spent being pregnant and nesting, so part of me wants to stay until I can bring a live baby here. Another part of me wants to burn this place down and just get the hell out.
Since the current (until tomorrow) owners of the house moved out last week, Tom and I have been sneaking into the backyard of the new house and just wandering around, looking at plants and flowers, imagining where a deck or a vegetable garden might go someday. I was raising the umbrella on the awesome patio furniture that they had left, and I had the most vivid image of myself sitting there in the shade with a baby. I told my husband, "I think that things are going to be good for us here." And I really do. I feel it all the way down to my toes. I love this house.
I lost my baby son, Nathaniel, on February 3rd, 2006, four days after his birth. I'm a mommy in mourning and this is my pensieve.
About Me
- Laura
- I'm a 33 year old professional flutist married to an accountant and living in southern Missouri. I lost my son, Nate, to a placental abruption at 40 weeks. Hope was found and lost again with a miscarriage in September 2006. On October 18th, 2007, Nate's little brother,Ben, arrived safely. I'm learning to be a mom to two boys--one here and one there.
Love you, Natey.
My Daily Reads
- Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss Blog Directory
- A Pregnancy After a Stillbirth ~ Monica
- Certainly Not Cool Enough to Blog~Kristin
- Dead Baby Jokes ~ Niobe
- Discovering Me~Michelle
- Eight Million Pieces~Delphi
- Everything is Under Control~Catherine
- Healing Arts~Artblog
- It's Really Me~BethGo
- Life After...~Nervous Kitty
- Life Can Be a Shit ~ Brenda
- Little Birdie
- The Mad Mommy
- Missing Speed Jr.~Emma's Mum
- Moksha~Rosepetal
- Natalie & Julian~Alysse
- Nicolas' Garden~Kate
- No Matter How Small~Aurelia Cotta
- No, I will never be "over" it~Julie
- Rach: The Wandering Blog
- Ryan Was Here~Sherry
- Spiraling Into Control~Bronwyn
- Subtle Shade of Green ~ Kathy McC
- Surviving My Loss~Sarah
- The Sensual Life ~ Roxanne
- Three Minute Palaver~Clare
- Trying to Have a Baby That Lives~WTF
Cooking Stuff
Get My Knit On
8 comments:
Change is always bittersweet...but I have a good feeling about the new house for you too. Congratulations.
Good luck in the new house!
Hi. Here from Catherine's place.
Congrats on the new house, hoping things are going to be good for you...
Best of luck as you start this new phase in your life. I hope it is the start of only good things to come :)
I am happy for you, enjoy your new house!
It is in fact very difficult to move after your baby has died -- leaving the place you were pregnant with him feels remarkably like leaving him yet AGAIN. But try to remember that Nate is with you, wherever you are.
YAY for a new house and happy new beginnings. I hope it IS the start of a very happy time for you and your husband.
((((HUGS)))
I hope the move (and unpacking, etc) is going ok!
Hi Laura. I'm so glad to hear you are busy packing up your things. I really hope the new house is your huge lucky charm.... how lovely to be moving (I wish it were me!!). anyway, I'm back from oblivion after trashing my blog because of unwanted intrusions from the outside and starting another blogger blog with totally different names and hope not to be found again (might never use real names again, except just now). can you please change your old link to me to this new site instead. and I'll start catching up with the blogging community (as we speak). xClare
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