I received an email yesterday from one of my former flute students from when I was teaching at the University. She was at a different life stage than my other students: she was married, she had a two year old little girl and she was pregnant with a boy and due at the same time I was. She must have taken the spring semester off, just like I did and returned this fall, just like I didn't. She had just heard what had happened and wanted to know when I was coming back. (I'm not.)
I don't know what the point of this post is. There is no point, probably. Just a big, huge cosmic "Huh?!" from me. I'm probably just like tons of people that you know. Your sister. Your friend. But now I'm an example, and not the kind I wanna be. Now I'm "look what happened to her. goddamn." I'm reproductive equivalent of going to the super buffets just to "people watch" to feel better about your own body image. [Insert here what I nice person I am and I didn't ask for this bullshit and I've never hurt anyone and I'm married to a nice man and have a lovely home, blah, blah, fuck-ity blah] If I don't get some good news soon, then I just don't know what.
**edited to add**
I know that I'm preaching to the choir, here. Maybe I just need an "amen".
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7 comments:
Amen, sister.
I don't know - there is a woman who now works at my office, who I met on seminar a year ago. She is nice enough, I guess. But when I met her a year ago, she was blabbing away about her new baby, who was a few months older than C. would have been. She asked if I had kids, I gave the full answer. She said some lame thing.
Now when I see her at work everyday, my skin crawls. Not that she has said or done anything in particular to hurt me - her mere presence hurts me. To her, I am an example of what goes wrong in other people's lives. She tries to engage me in conversation about my pregnancy and I want to strangle her - she speaks of pregnancy as if her experience (perfect) and mine (perfectly horrible) have anything to do with one another.
Why am I telling you this? Maybe this should have been ablog entry... I dunno. I guess the point of it is this - the mere presence of some people in my life hurts, even if they have done nothing to me. I wish those people would just fade away: don't talk to me, don't contact me, just fade.
amen!
amen, sista
(and hugs too)
amen...
AAAAAMEEEEEEEN!
That do? :)
Amen! And 'Amen' to Delphi's comment, as well. Sometimes I despair for the lack of empathy in this world...
Amen!
I just want to add that after Nicolas died i felt like SUCH the freak -- how everyone was looking at me just the same way you describe. Then i realized that they probably weren't, it was just that i felt like the total walking freak show, so that was my perpection. Not that it made it any easier.
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