My period started with a vengeance this morning--5 days late. Enough time to make me wonder, get me excited and take a pregnancy test. And of course it was negative. Of course. We haven't been trying, in fact we've been super careful. But I thought, since I had my baby taken away from me, wouldn't it be great if I just turned up pregnant? No effort, no worry, just pregnant. Like I had some kind of cosmic coupon--sorry about that last one, Laura. This one is on us. Why can't I just behave normally anymore?
This whole thing is such a bitch. A big, heaving, snarling bitch, and I didn't sign up for this.
I lost my baby son, Nathaniel, on February 3rd, 2006, four days after his birth. I'm a mommy in mourning and this is my pensieve.
About Me
- Laura
- I'm a 33 year old professional flutist married to an accountant and living in southern Missouri. I lost my son, Nate, to a placental abruption at 40 weeks. Hope was found and lost again with a miscarriage in September 2006. On October 18th, 2007, Nate's little brother,Ben, arrived safely. I'm learning to be a mom to two boys--one here and one there.
Love you, Natey.
My Daily Reads
- Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss Blog Directory
- A Pregnancy After a Stillbirth ~ Monica
- Certainly Not Cool Enough to Blog~Kristin
- Dead Baby Jokes ~ Niobe
- Discovering Me~Michelle
- Eight Million Pieces~Delphi
- Everything is Under Control~Catherine
- Healing Arts~Artblog
- It's Really Me~BethGo
- Life After...~Nervous Kitty
- Life Can Be a Shit ~ Brenda
- Little Birdie
- The Mad Mommy
- Missing Speed Jr.~Emma's Mum
- Moksha~Rosepetal
- Natalie & Julian~Alysse
- Nicolas' Garden~Kate
- No Matter How Small~Aurelia Cotta
- No, I will never be "over" it~Julie
- Rach: The Wandering Blog
- Ryan Was Here~Sherry
- Spiraling Into Control~Bronwyn
- Subtle Shade of Green ~ Kathy McC
- Surviving My Loss~Sarah
- The Sensual Life ~ Roxanne
- Three Minute Palaver~Clare
- Trying to Have a Baby That Lives~WTF
Cooking Stuff
Get My Knit On
4 comments:
I know -- I feel the same way -- we did not sign up for this!!
I wish so much that everything would be easy after what we have been through. It really scares me for when we are allowed to start trying - which is still months away. I am thinking about you -- and send you strength and courage....
I was told by two medical professionals who I mentioned my 12 day late period to... "Stress can really interfere with cycle regularity".
So... cut back on the stress.
But seriously... I wish you had had an "oops" we weren't trying yet baby! Sorry
You DO deserve a pass on this point, for sure. Seems everyone goes kinda crazy at the end of each month even when there is practically no chance. You aren't alone ((hugs))
last spring, when it was too soon to safely get pregnant again, and we were doubling up (the pill and condoms), i still held my breath once a month. hope springs eternal.
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