Tuesday, February 24, 2009

12 Hours to Go!

Okay, we just have to get through one more night! I am not packed and all of the new stuff--double stroller, car seat, bad ass i-pod compatible swing--still in original boxes. I'm going to pack in here in a minute, though. Tom can get all all the other stuff ready this week. We used all of Nate's stuff with Ben, so there was nothing to unbox. I've just been too superstitious to do yet.

Rosie has been really busy today, be-bopping around in there. I had my last OB appointment and everything looks good. We have to be at the hospital at 6 in the morning and my surgery is at 7:30.

Thank you so much for all of your good vibes and thoughts. I love you guys a lot. I'll update as soon as I can!

Here's a sneak preview. I think she looks just like her brothers.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Waiting, waiting, waiting

She was supposed to be born today. Yesterday was my amnio and she just isn't ready yet. Now I'm scheduled for the 25th and this is going to be a long, scary week. Of course I don't want her to arrive before she's ready--time in the NICU would be awful. For both of us. I don't ever, ever want to go to my hospital's NICU again. I just don't know what to do with myself. I'm a wreck. I've been crying all morning. I've been a shitty mom to Ben and I don't see that improving this week. I think I'm afraid to move too much.

I have to keep reminding myself that right now, everything is okay. She didn't die. She just wasn't born today. She's still okay in there. And I have to keep reminding myself that I won't go as long as I did with Nate, I don't have the horrible swelling that I did with Nate. I had Ben at 38.5 weeks and that turned out okay. We just lost Nate so fast. Everything was fine and then suddenly it wasn't. I've been going back and forth with this all day and it's driving me crazy. There is nothing I can do but breathe, breathe, breathe. And some new yarn might help, too.

Sunday, February 01, 2009


I thought he'd cry when the balloons floated away, but he didn't. Maybe he understood more than I thought he would. Happy Birthday, Sweet Pea.