Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Waiting, waiting, waiting

She was supposed to be born today. Yesterday was my amnio and she just isn't ready yet. Now I'm scheduled for the 25th and this is going to be a long, scary week. Of course I don't want her to arrive before she's ready--time in the NICU would be awful. For both of us. I don't ever, ever want to go to my hospital's NICU again. I just don't know what to do with myself. I'm a wreck. I've been crying all morning. I've been a shitty mom to Ben and I don't see that improving this week. I think I'm afraid to move too much.

I have to keep reminding myself that right now, everything is okay. She didn't die. She just wasn't born today. She's still okay in there. And I have to keep reminding myself that I won't go as long as I did with Nate, I don't have the horrible swelling that I did with Nate. I had Ben at 38.5 weeks and that turned out okay. We just lost Nate so fast. Everything was fine and then suddenly it wasn't. I've been going back and forth with this all day and it's driving me crazy. There is nothing I can do but breathe, breathe, breathe. And some new yarn might help, too.

10 comments:

three minute palaver said...

Laura, I've been thinking of you and checking here to see if there is news of the wee girls arrival. I know it's hard on you that the plans have changed. The same thing happened with Little W. All along we were told she'd be born 27th July, but then when it came to that week, my OB decided 3rd August would be much better for her lungs and development. and that last weeks wait was as slow as running through thick mud. I don't know what to suggest to help the time fly but I am thinking of you and wishing everything is great. (hugs) xClare

BethGo said...

Sending you calming vibes and lots of cyber hugs. Keep us posted.
Hope you get some nifty new yarn.

And get a babysitter for that boy of yours as much as you can this week. He will be ok too.

Thinking of you.

Catherine said...

No offense to your amazing mom abilities...but Ben won't remember this at all when he's older. So do whatever you have to do to stay sane. Yarn always works for me. :o)

MB said...

I'm sorry sweetie. Just hang in there. Maybe Ben could go visit someone for a day and give you a break to catch your breath.

MB said...

And Catherine is right...he won't remember it anyway. Sending hugs.

Rosepetal said...

Oh Laura, I understand your worry and stress, hanging on so you can make it just to today and then being told to wait another week! one day at a time, hang in there my friend.

BabyDansMommy said...

Laura - just sending you love and hugs .... I'll be thinking of you bunches over this next week.

Rosepetal said...

still thinking of you Laura. (((hugs)))

three minute palaver said...

Hi Laura, it's already the 25th here (in Oz) and I'm thinking of you and sending well wishes for everything to be ok today with you and your baby girl. much love, Clare

Brenda - you can now find me at : www.lifecanbeashit.wordpress.com said...

Cant wait to see some photos and hear all the good news!

Hugs
xxx