She was supposed to be born today. Yesterday was my amnio and she just isn't ready yet. Now I'm scheduled for the 25th and this is going to be a long, scary week. Of course I don't want her to arrive before she's ready--time in the NICU would be awful. For both of us. I don't ever, ever want to go to my hospital's NICU again. I just don't know what to do with myself. I'm a wreck. I've been crying all morning. I've been a shitty mom to Ben and I don't see that improving this week. I think I'm afraid to move too much.
I have to keep reminding myself that right now, everything is okay. She didn't die. She just wasn't born today. She's still okay in there. And I have to keep reminding myself that I won't go as long as I did with Nate, I don't have the horrible swelling that I did with Nate. I had Ben at 38.5 weeks and that turned out okay. We just lost Nate so fast. Everything was fine and then suddenly it wasn't. I've been going back and forth with this all day and it's driving me crazy. There is nothing I can do but breathe, breathe, breathe. And some new yarn might help, too.