At the concert Saturday night, the friendly oboist leaned over and said,
"Hey, didn't we play in [so and so] orchestra together at Christmas last year?"
"Um, hmm. We sure did." (please don't be interested, be totally uninterested.)
"How's the baby?" she asked with a wide smile.
"He died in February," I replied, probably a little too quickly.
The emotions crossed her face that I was so used to seeing--an inquisitive smile, turned to confusion, then embarrassment, then concern.
"Oh my God, I'm so sorry. How did it happen?"
"Well, it was kind of a birth accident. He lived for four days, though." (No one knows what a placental abruption is, so I say "birth accident", which I think is better than "miscarriage"--my former OB's suggestion.)
I babbled some more, like I do when I'm asked this question. I think I ended with, "Yeah, I was really pregnant at Christmas last year, so..."
She said, "I think that I'm going to cry." I've spent the last 10 months making weird smooshy faces to push back tears. Go ahead. I'll probably join you.
Somehow the subject was quickly and mercifully changed and we spent the rest of the time before the concert laughing our asses off at a music professor we both knew who would talk about orgasams in class. A guy that you would never want to picture having sex.
I was laughing, but my heart was pounding and I felt like I was going to puke for the rest of the evening.
I lost my baby son, Nathaniel, on February 3rd, 2006, four days after his birth. I'm a mommy in mourning and this is my pensieve.
About Me
- Laura
- I'm a 33 year old professional flutist married to an accountant and living in southern Missouri. I lost my son, Nate, to a placental abruption at 40 weeks. Hope was found and lost again with a miscarriage in September 2006. On October 18th, 2007, Nate's little brother,Ben, arrived safely. I'm learning to be a mom to two boys--one here and one there.
Love you, Natey.
My Daily Reads
- Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss Blog Directory
- A Pregnancy After a Stillbirth ~ Monica
- Certainly Not Cool Enough to Blog~Kristin
- Dead Baby Jokes ~ Niobe
- Discovering Me~Michelle
- Eight Million Pieces~Delphi
- Everything is Under Control~Catherine
- Healing Arts~Artblog
- It's Really Me~BethGo
- Life After...~Nervous Kitty
- Life Can Be a Shit ~ Brenda
- Little Birdie
- The Mad Mommy
- Missing Speed Jr.~Emma's Mum
- Moksha~Rosepetal
- Natalie & Julian~Alysse
- Nicolas' Garden~Kate
- No Matter How Small~Aurelia Cotta
- No, I will never be "over" it~Julie
- Rach: The Wandering Blog
- Ryan Was Here~Sherry
- Spiraling Into Control~Bronwyn
- Subtle Shade of Green ~ Kathy McC
- Surviving My Loss~Sarah
- The Sensual Life ~ Roxanne
- Three Minute Palaver~Clare
- Trying to Have a Baby That Lives~WTF
7 comments:
Fun times. Sigh. {{{hugs}}}
Ick. (((hugs)))
I had a very similar experience October of last year. You survive, but it throws you for the rest of the day (if not several days).
Sigh.
i'm sorry...it sucks. (((((hugs)))))
I also know that look on an unknowing person's face - you can actually see their brains doing a sudden about turn and the original smiles stays while they do it.
(((Hugs))). I hope there aren't too many more of those.
Ug. I am still feeling like I am going to puke after a similar situation last Friday....
Like you said...one down.
Oh God...I hate those conversations - and that awful, awful moment when you know you're suddenly going to turn into the sad story lady.
I'm so sorry. I'm glad you eventually laughed, but sorry you felt so sick underneath it all.
((((HUGS))))
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