Friday, January 30, 2009

Birthday Eve

I cried myself to sleep last night. I've been on the verge of a panic attack for days now. I knew that it was going to be hard being pregnant on Nate's birthday...especially this pregnant. Goddammit, this makes me so mad. It's not fair that I have to be so scared. Too scared to remove tags and wash little pink things. Too scared to have even prepared any semblance of a nursery. She'll be here in 19 days and all I can do is just sit here and hope I don't explode. It doesn't make it one bit easier that I've done this before. In fact, I think that I'm a little more freaked out this time than I was with Ben. I don't know why. Maybe I was just as freaked but don't remember. That's why I'm doing it again.

I miss him. I hate this.

5 comments:

Rosepetal said...

(((Hugs))) Laura.

For those of us where it all went wrong at the very end, these last days are the hardest.

Never mind the nursery. Beanie's wasn't ready at all and it didn't matter one jot. All you need to do is "just sit there", you don't need to do anything else.

Catherine said...

Just keep breathing. {{{hugs}}}

three minute palaver said...

Only 18 more days until your little wee girls arrives, I will be thinking of you and hoping everything is calm and peaceful. and wishing you a wonderful Feb 18th.

Kathy McC said...

(((hugs)))

delphi said...

Deep breaths. That's all you can do. I don't know why, but I was a wreck this year, too. Then, after the birthday, the anxiety melted away. I know the end of the pregnancy is the worst. Just hand in there.