Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Channeling My Inner 50's Housewife


Last night, after dinner my husband said,

"You know how guys sometimes will talk about how their wives don't cook as good as their mothers?"

"Okay."

"Well, I just want you to know that you cook better than my mom now."

Is is completely wrong that I felt a thrill of excitement with this conversation? His mom is a damn good cook. While we're on this topic, here are some highlights from an article that we have on our fridge. It's a photocopy from the May 1955 edition of Houskeeping Monthly. It's on or fridge because, a) it's hilarious and b) our house was built in 1955 and I imagine that the first lady that lived here read this article and hopefully was appalled. I give you highlights from:

The Good Wife's Guide

  • Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking of him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome.
  • Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work weary people! (so the same pj pants four days in a row isn't hot?)
  • Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
  • Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please.
  • Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first--remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
  • Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.
  • Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day. (Huh?)
  • Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice. (Oh, ha ha ha ha ha ha !!!!)
  • Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
  • A good wife always knows her place.

Holy Crap. I don't care if this was fifty years ago, I don't believe that a woman actually wrote this. And if she did, she probably went batshit crazy shortly thereafter. Maybe she looked like this:

"oooh, what do you think of my knife collection?"

7 comments:

BethGo said...

OMG! My DH and I just had a similar conversation. According to DH, I am a better baker than his mom...
and?

Hmmm.

Thanks for sharing the article. It was good for a laugh.

delphi said...

I am glad you posted the article - I am going to email it to my husband and get his thoughts... (heh heh heh, he's better have the right thoughts if he knows what's good for him!)

Was this taken seriously in 1955? His thoughts are more important? His life is more important? Lordy me, this concept is so foreign to me!!!

kate said...

LOL...i love that article. I think it is an urban legend -- but i love it anyway. You can bet i follow every step in my household...yep ;)

There are several really good sendoffs of it on the internet too...i will have to look for them for you

Rosepetal said...

I've read this article before as well - can you imagine your husband wanting to come home to a non-interactive opinionless Stepford robot? OK, maybe some evenings my husband would want that....... hmmm.

Your picture of the woman with the knives made me laugh!

whatthef*ck said...

i've seen that before and it's just as funny and weird and crazy every time. i am the opposite of the good wife.

Brenda said...

Not an urban legend, I used to work in a school technology department and decided to clear out all the old tools, books, catering equipment etc and came across a 25 domestic science books (Domestic science....? a contradiction in term I think) and this was taken from the very same book. I had a year 10 class next (14-15 year olds) and quickly designed a lesson from the book, divided the class into 2 (boys and girls!) and made them role play!! it was hilarious, the kids loved it, and I think I managed to create a strong feminist foundation amongst the girls which hopefully they have continued to nurture in a positive way.

Felcy said...

Excellent read. I like your style...have a good one!/Nice blog! Keep it up!
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