Thursday, March 29, 2007

Chip should have been born this week.

I'm so conflicted on how I should feel about this. I'm certainly sad. I certainly haven't forgotten about him (or her)--but it's almost like I knew from the very beginning that the little beaner wasn't going to make it. But there was hope, for sure. But hope and hope lost, again. I never pictured myself making it all the way to 38 weeks, preparing the nursery, folding little onsies again. But maybe I just wouldn't let myself picture those things. It's hard for me to picture them with this one, too, even though this is a completely different kind of pregnancy. It's a more pregnant kind of pregnancy, which I'm thankful for. But am I able to imagine October? Not really.

To think about how different things would be right now, this week, is difficult. I think about that nearly empty bedroom we call "the nursery" when no one else is around. The one that only holds a few plants, a garage sale glider rocker and Nate's chest of drawers. How different it should look today.

I'm sorry, little one. I'm sorry that you never got a chance. You're not forgotten.

10 comments:

BethGo said...

Oh Chip. You are missed. Always.

Artblog said...

Sorry for you too Laura! HUGS

Rosepetal said...

Chip, never forgotten

Kim said...

I am so sorry for the empty nursery where little Chip should be. He/she is loved and not forgotten.

Still praying lots of prayers for you guys with this new little bean.

Aurelia said...

I'm sorry Laura...I have to admit, sometimes I don't know how to feel about my losses either!

It really is about the loss of potential hope for me to...I'm sorry this is a hard week...hold on tight.

MB said...

Hugs to Chip & his Mommy.

Brenda said...

Will be thinking of you that little more this week.
I'm so sorry.

Huge hugs to you.
xxx

three minute palaver said...

a loss of hope and a loss of innocence is how miscarriage always made me feel. and with each one I lost more and more of my hope & innocence. I'm sorry this week is hard. I'm thinking of you.

kate said...

(((((((hugs))))) Thinking of Chip and of you. No, never forgotten.

niobe said...

There are certain dates when what should have been is especially painful. Take care